Stand By Me is all in the sub-title really: “Helping Your Teens Through Tough Times”. Co-written by John Kirwan (former All Black turned poster-boy for depression awareness) and clinical psychologists Elliott Bell and Kirsty Louden-Bell, this is a how-to guide for parents and caregivers looking for ways to help teenagers struggling with mental illness.
I’m liking
It’s a hopeful, accessible and extremely practical book. The chapters (sample headings “Love the Real Child”, “Why am I like this?” and “Parent Self-Care”) feature honest pep talks from Kirwan on his own experiences with depression and parenting. The two psychologists offer their professional perspectives and comprehensive explanations on everything from what might be going on in your teen’s head to how to deal with health professionals, medication and different types of therapies. Most chapters also end with a handy bullet-point summary for quick reference, and the book’s final chapter is a list of resources, including other books, websites and services.
Things that made me go hmmmm
(in a good way): The most powerful aspect to this book for me was the first-person narratives from kids and parents. There’s Christie, the promising young athlete who got depression. Hayley who was bullied. Helene the perfectionist straight-A student who developed debilitating anxiety. Levi, who was given away as a baby by his P-addict mother and survived horrible abuse. Amitai, the young Pacific leader who came close to killing himself before accepting he’s gay. Their honesty is heart-breaking but i was also really moved at their guts and resilience.
The conclusion
Let’s give the last word to JK: “Now I know there is not always – or even often – a ‘correct’ answer to any of life’s difficulties. And I’ve also figured out that we can’t rescue our kids from everything life will throw at them. But we can stand by them. We can listen to them carefully and without judgment. We can love the real child.”
