Modernising Gran!

In the interests of my sustainability in keeping up with modern trends whilst raising teen grandchildren, I agreed to let my 17 year old grand-daughter take me shopping for some new jeans, as she had decided that gran’s old track pants needed upgrading.

I must say here, I was more than a little nervous, a sense of foreboding descended upon me as we drove to the local Mall. Much talk of Skinny jeans was tossed about with gay abandon, silly me; I should have turned the car around and gone home right then!

Skinny jeans, what on earth are those, yes, I did have skinny legs but that could not be said for the rest of me.

Something happened to this child once we were in a store that had clothing from the floor to the ceiling; she took total control and firmly deposited me in the changing room. Not a changing room I was used to I might add, a largish room with no lock on the door and mirrors on all walls. One is not alone in these rooms either; it seemed to me the whole teenage Mall population had decided to go in there!

“Gran” she said in a commanding voice, “try these on” at my feet lay a pile of jeans in many colours. I said a silent thank you that I had put on decent knickers and had a long top on. The first pair I tried would not even go on over my heels.

Finally she found a pair which managed to find their way up to my thighs. Thank goodness for skinny legs, I thought. But the next part of my anatomy was a much different story. I struggled, strained, pulled and jumped up and down, all to no avail. She rolled her eyes at this point!

She was down on her knees searching for larger sizes and jeans were flying everywhere. What happened to folding clothes neatly I wondered? Finally she found a pair that she thought would do the job. Again the struggle began, yes, easy pulling them up the skinny legs, up over the saggy bottom and then began what I can only describe as ‘pushing dough into a small bowl’ The more I pushed and squeezed the more things popped out.

Finally, parts of my body seemed to move……….elsewhere! The zip was up and the dome snapped shut. Now I had heard of the ‘muffin’ and I do not mean the one you eat either! But someone had added too much yeast to my muffin and it exploded everywhere. The muffin hung there, it hung everywhere. Meantime I am standing in what seemed like a free concert of Lady Gaga and every teenage girl was in there! The music was beating and so was my heart, but not for the same reason the teen girl’s hearts were! They were dancing! Passing out came to my mind and I felt decidedly dizzy.

Darling grand-daughter at this point had decided that I also needed a new top, within a heartbeat she had whipped off my long top. If the ground had opened up; you know where I would be!

Thankfully with her lightning speed, she was back in with a top. Dignity restored! “Cool” she screeched over the loud music beat! I gingerly glanced into the mirror, huh, to me I looked like a lollipop on a thin stick. Then began the task of unpeeling those Skinny jeans and that was no mean feat either. We duly paid and left the store, my body ached from all the pushing and squeezing. I knew I could not do this on a regular basis; I would have to get up an hour early to get dressed! Not to mention the pain.

Being a Gran from old days, I knew that one should always wash new clothes before wearing, what I ‘sort’ of forgot about is, ‘if you wash jeans in really hot water, they shrink’……….oh my.

Guess who looks really ‘cool’ in her new Skinny jeans; and at least I can breathe in my tracks.