By: A Frazzled Parent Who Just Wanted One Saturday Off
Let’s be honest: parenting is the wildest ride no one really warns you about. You start off thinking it’s just nappies and night feeds, and then boom — you’re in the trenches negotiating screen time deals and asking small humans why there’s butter in the sock drawer.
So when one mum reached out to share her story, we had to dive in — because this one hits every parent right in the feels.
“My sister has two kids, and my husband and I used to babysit them all the time. We did it happily — no fuss, no strings attached. But now I have a daughter of my own, and I was hoping she’d return the favour.
Except she told me she ‘can’t cope with three kids’ — even though she’s got a partner at home. She said it was different when I didn’t have kids, and babysitting back then felt like a novelty. Now that she’s a mum herself, adding an extra child is just too much work.
I feel a bit hurt and honestly, kind of betrayed. Am I wrong for thinking this is a seriously d*ck move?”
Alright, let’s break this one down.
The Unofficial Babysitting Code
In theory, there’s an unspoken rule among siblings: “I helped you, so now you help me.” Especially when it comes to parenting. It’s like an emotional IOU you expect to cash in when you finally need a break. A hot coffee without reheating it four times. A dinner out that doesn’t involve highchairs or wipes. A breath.
This mum’s frustration makes total sense. She gave her time generously, showed up for her sister when she had two little ones, and now that she has a baby, she’s hoping for the same support. Only… crickets.
On the flip side — and brace yourself — the sister’s not entirely wrong either.
The Reality of ‘Three Kids is a Lot’
Anyone who’s wrangled more than one child at a time knows this isn’t just “+1.” It’s exponential chaos. Three kids under one roof can go from cute giggles to full-blown Lord of the Flies in less than five minutes. So yes, “coping with three” — especially if one’s not yours — is objectively harder.
Your sister has likely discovered what many parents do: babysitting other people’s kids when you don’t have your own? Kinda fun. Like playing house for a few hours and handing them back. Babysitting when you’re already emotionally maxed out and your own toddler just shoved raisins in the heating vent? Not so much.
But here’s where she may have missed the mark — and where the “d*ck move” part kicks in.
Reciprocity Isn’t Always About Ease — It’s About Effort
Your sister didn’t have to say yes every time. But to shut it down entirely — especially after you helped her? That hits hard. Parenting is exhausting, yes. But relationships, especially family ones, need to be a two-way street, even if that means occasionally stretching out of your comfort zone.
You weren’t asking her to adopt your child. You were likely asking for the odd afternoon off, maybe a date night. And instead of “I’ll see what I can do,” you got a hard no — along with a side of justification that kinda made it worse.
What Should You Do Now?
Alright, mediator hat on. Here’s how to handle it without burning the sibling bridge:
1. Drop the silent scorecard.
As tempting as it is to list every time you babysat her kids and shout “LOOK WHAT I DID FOR YOU!” — it’ll only fuel resentment. She already knows you helped. Instead of keeping receipts, focus on communicating how you feel about her response.
2. Have an honest convo — not a confrontation.
Something like:
“I know three kids is a lot — I get that. But it hurt when you dismissed it outright, especially when I was there for you so many times. I’m not asking you to become a full-time nanny, just hoping I could count on your support once in a while, like you counted on mine.”
3. Set your own boundaries moving forward.
If she continues to shut the door on helping, you’re allowed to rethink how much energy you give. That doesn’t mean being petty — it means protecting your time and mental health. Help when you genuinely want to, not out of guilt.
4. Find your tribe.
Sometimes, support doesn’t come from the people we expect. If your sister can’t (or won’t) show up, build a babysitting swap with trusted friends, neighbours, or other mums who get it. You deserve backup.
Final Thoughts: Is It a Dick Move?
Honestly? A little bit, yeah.
Not because she said no — but because she forgot what it felt like to be supported when everything was new and hard. She forgot the importance of showing up, not just when it’s easy, but when it really matters.
But life isn’t black and white. Maybe she’s struggling more than she’s letting on. Maybe she’s burnt out too. Or maybe she genuinely just doesn’t have the capacity. None of that means your feelings aren’t valid — they absolutely are.
This situation sucks, but it doesn’t have to break you — or your relationship. It just needs some truth, a little grace, and (hopefully) a babysitter you can count on when your brain is hanging by a thread.
And to all the sisters out there: if you’ve got a sibling who had your back — don’t forget to return the favour when they need it. Even if it’s just for one night. Even if it’s just so they can drink wine in silence for once.
