If you’re here because you’re worried your child could be a bully—or you’re scared they could be the target of one—you’re exactly where you need to be.
Today, I want to tell you something you probably won’t hear in the usual school assemblies and anti-bullying talks:
Ex-bullies are speaking out.
And what they’re saying? It’s powerful.
Their stories could change the way we think about bullying… and how we raise our kids to be kind, brave, and better than the generation before them.

So pull up a chair, because what you’re about to read might just surprise you—and honestly, it gave me so much hope as a mom.

First, let’s be real:
When we hear “bully,” we picture some rough kid shoving others into lockers, throwing insults like candy at Halloween.
But here’s the truth:
A lot of bullies aren’t actually cruel at heart.
They’re hurting. They’re insecure. They’re scared.
And sometimes, they’re trying to fit in or survive themselves.

The good news?
Kids who bully aren’t destined to stay that way forever.
Many stop—and when they do, it’s usually because something clicked inside them.
Not fear of punishment… but empathy, connection, understanding.

Here are four powerful stories from ex-bullies—and what we, as parents, can learn from each one.

1. Erin Zea (Teen Vogue) — “I Bullied Because I Was Scared of Being Bullied”

Erin admitted in Teen Vogue that she bullied other kids in middle school because she thought it would protect her.
She wasn’t trying to be the “mean girl”—she was terrified of being the next target.
The turning point?
When Erin herself became the one getting bullied.
Feeling the loneliness and pain she once dished out shattered her defenses.
That experience taught her a lifelong lesson in empathy—and today, she’s a teacher helping other kids learn kindness.

Lesson for Parents: Go deeper than “What did you do?”—Ask, “Why did you feel like you had to do it?”

It’s easy to focus on the surface:

“You pushed someone.”
“You called someone names.”

And yes, we have to correct those behaviors.
But if we only address the action and not the motivation, we’re just putting a band-aid on a bigger wound.

When Erin talked about bullying out of fear, it reminded me: sometimes kids bully because they’re scared to death of being on the bottom rung themselves.
They think, “If I hurt them first, no one will hurt me.”

As a parent, you have the power to dig into that fear.
Ask your child:

“When you said that to him, what were you hoping would happen?”
“When you laughed at her, were you feeling nervous inside?”

You might be shocked at how often bullying is really about self-protection.

By helping our kids feel safe and accepted at home—by giving them confidence that they don’t have to hurt to survive—we’re giving them the tools to show up better everywhere else.

2. Reddit User (r/AskReddit) — “I Thought Being Mean Made Me Powerful”

In a Reddit thread where ex-bullies shared their turning points, one story stuck with me.
A former bully said they believed cruelty = power.
But one day, they caught a glimpse of the fear in a classmate’s eyes—the same fear they had once felt themselves.
That moment hit them like a truck.
They realized they didn’t feel strong… they felt ashamed.

Lesson for Parents: Redefine what “power” really looks like.

A lot of kids—and honestly, a lot of adults too—get this one twisted:
They think power means dominance.
They think being feared means being respected.
And that lie feeds bullying like gasoline on a fire.

As a mom, one of the most important things we can do is show our kids the difference between fear-based power and love-based strength.

Talk about real heroes with them—not the loudest kid in the room, but the one who steps up to defend someone smaller.
Not the one who gets laughs by tearing others down, but the one who quietly makes sure no one eats lunch alone.

You can even use small moments at home:

“I saw how you helped your sister when she got upset—that’s real strength.”
“It takes way more guts to be kind when everyone else is laughing.”

Kids repeat the models they see and the praise they hear.
If you celebrate compassion like it’s cooler than any TikTok trend?
They’ll start believing it too.

3. Christians for Social Action Article — “Bullying Came From My Own Self-Hatred”

One powerful article by a former bully talked about something deeper:
They didn’t bully because they hated others—they bullied because they hated themselves.
They felt weak, awkward, not good enough—and making others feel small gave them a tiny, false sense of control.
It wasn’t until they learned to love and accept themselves that they could stop trying to hurt others.

Lesson for Parents: Build your child’s inner foundation now—because insecurity leads to cruelty.

This one hit me hard:
The author didn’t bully because they hated other kids.
They bullied because they couldn’t stand themselves.

It made me realize: if we don’t help our kids build real self-esteem, the world out there will hand them a broken mirror to look into.

And broken mirrors reflect broken behavior.

Here’s how to start strengthening your child’s inner foundation:

Praise effort and kindness, not just achievements. (Otherwise, they’ll think their worth = winning.)
Talk about mistakes as normal, human, and fixable—not shameful.
Teach them emotional vocabulary: not just “mad” or “sad,” but “embarrassed,” “lonely,” “left out”—so they don’t act those feelings out through hurting others.

Kids who love and accept themselves don’t have the need to knock others down to feel taller.
They already know they’re enough.

4. Jennifer Vibert (LinkedIn) — “Owning My Mistakes Was My Freedom”

Jennifer opened up about her past bullying behavior in a post on LinkedIn.
Her biggest transformation didn’t come from being punished—it came when she admitted to herself, “I hurt people. I don’t want to be that person anymore.”
Owning her mistakes (instead of hiding from them) gave her the chance to grow into someone kinder and more conscious.

Lesson for Parents: Teach kids that real strength is in repair, not perfection.

When Jennifer talked about finally facing her past actions instead of hiding from them, it gave me chills.
Because honestly, how many of us adults still struggle with that too?

Here’s what clicked for me:
Kids don’t need to be perfect. They need to be repairers.

They need to know:

It’s okay to mess up.
It’s brave to take responsibility.
It’s powerful to make things right.

At home, we can practice this by modeling it ourselves:

“Hey, I yelled earlier and I shouldn’t have. I’m really sorry. I’m working on it.”
“I made a mistake today at work, but I apologized and fixed it.”

And when they mess up, guide them through repair:

“How do you think you could help them feel better?”
“What would a real apology look like here—not just saying sorry, but showing you’re trying to make it right?”

If we normalize the whole cycle—mistake → responsibility → repair—then when they hurt someone someday (and they will; they’re human!), they’ll know exactly how to come back from it with strength and integrity.

Here’s the Bottom Line

Bullying isn’t just “bad kids doing bad things.”
It’s often scared kids making scared choices.
And with the right support—starting at home—those kids can change.
The stories from Erin, Reddit, Christians for Social Action, and Jennifer all prove the same thing:

Kids learn to stop bullying when they learn to feel.
Kids learn to lead with kindness when they feel safe, loved, and powerful inside themselves.
And we as moms are their first, most important teachers.

Your influence matters more than you know.
And every little conversation about empathy, courage, kindness?
It plants a seed that could change your child’s life—and someone else’s too.

So what does this mean for parents today?

Here’s what you need to know:

1. Focus on why—not just what.

If your child is showing bullying behavior, don’t just punish and move on.

Ask:

What’s happening underneath the surface?
Are they feeling insecure, anxious, or left out?
Are they mimicking behavior they’ve seen from others?
Understanding the “why” can change everything.

2. Model vulnerability and empathy at home.

In the Christian for Social Action article “Reflections of a Former Bully,” the author points out that bullying often stems from a discomfort with vulnerability.

Children who are taught that vulnerability is strength—not weakness—are far less likely to tear others down.

3. Teach kids how to repair—not just apologize.

A real apology isn’t just “I’m sorry”—it’s understanding the hurt, making amends, and doing better.

Show your kids how to rebuild trust, not just say words.

4. Create safe spaces to talk about mistakes.

Former bully Jennifer Vibert emphasized that growth came when she stopped hiding from her past and faced it head-on—with help.

Your child needs to know they can come to you even when they mess up—and that redemption is possible.

5. Praise kindness loudly.

Sometimes, kids bully because kindness isn’t being celebrated loudly enough.

Catch your child being kind and make a big deal about it.

Kindness should feel powerful.

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