The set-up:
Most people who have seen a Facebook
profile pic of a teen or tween girl recently will have noticed that girls are into sexy at the moment. Pouts, make up and provocative poses seem to be the norm. Celebrities seem to be promoting the “dumb is cute” message which is getting through to young girls. This book addresses the early sexualisation of girls and how concerned parents can ensure their little girl stays little for as long as possible and appreciates aspects of herself other than her looks. I think this is particularly important right now with how much access kids have to the internet.
I’m liking:
At the end of each section there are great tips for what parents can do. These are really practical, easy to implement and seem to walk the fine line between letting your daughter leave the house looking like she wants action and making her wear a burka which she then secretly changes out of at the train station on her way to school. The chapter on self esteem I thought was excellent. As a teacher of 11-13 year olds, I’ve noticed that self esteem and resilience are two of the biggest factors in how children deal with peer pressure and disappointments. She has tips to keep your daughter talking through the difficult years, finding things she is good at, and not sheltering her too much by being a helicopter parent that will help girls make decisions that reflect their own considered values. I like how she doesn’t insist on screening everything for your children, but rather discussing with them
Things that made me go hmmmm:
I found it hard work to start with, mainly because I felt like she was stating the obvious, but it got better as I went along. Most of the examples are from extreme ends of the spectrum: like the 14 year old whose mother paid one thousand pounds for her to get make up permanently tattooed onto her face! Not really relevant for the majority of kiwi families and I think possibly points to issues other than early sexualisation. A 28 year old who tattoos permanent make up on her face? Equally crazy in my books. What will she do when blue eyeliner is no longer in??? The examples make for interesting reading because of their shock value (and ability to make me feel self-righteous!) but not all are indicative of what is happening for most girls. There were also a couple of bits I thought a bit harsh – like the section where she implied fathers shouldn’t read the newspaper around their daughters as the daughters can see they have free time and are choosing not to spend it with them. Not sure I concur.
Extra for experts:
I agree with Tanith that you need to educate your children so they don’t feel inadequate about themselves and their looks. With the pre teens I teach, I’ve found watching the Dove Evolution ad (you can find it on youtube) so they can see how much work -including photoshopping- goes into making a model look so gorgeous is a great conversation starter. She has lots of other ideas for what you can do to further media-proof your children.
The conclusion:
Most of the tips I think would be relevant for parents of boys as well as girls. Maybe she is keeping her options open for a boy version, but I’d say read the one book and use it for your sons and daughters. If you enjoy reading stories about different people’s situations, or if you are unsure about what she’s talking about with girls growing up too soon, read the whole book. If you already know a bit about it and just want to make sure your own daughter (or son) gets caught in the trap of looking and acting older than they are, then you won’t miss much by just reading her “what can you do” pages at the end of each section.
